au revoir, socials.

Hi, from that space between Christmas and the New Year where time doesn’t feel real. I usually find myself super reflective during this period, but I’ve done enough ruminating for the year. My successes and failures of 2024 have one thing in common. They are behind me. I refuse to give anymore time or energy to thinking about what has been— the could’ve, would’ve, should’ve ghosts of the past can rot.

My word for 2025 is radical.

It’s a household thing. It’s multifaceted. It’s extreme.

There’s a phrase I’ve picked up by Dave Ramsey “live like no one else so you can live like no one else”. He is talking finance and we are going down that avenue, too, but I am applying this universally.

It’s doing the things that seem crazy to others, front loading your sacrifices to have the big pay offs later. It’s not spending money, eliminating screen time, cutting ultra processed foods, downsizing, simplifying, and acting in alignment at every moment.

Perhaps most radically, I’m giving up social media.

It’s a shame out of all the big ideas, this seems to be the hardest one to grapple with. I’ve been coming to terms with this decision since early November. It was around this election cycle that I felt beat down, disheartened, and exhausted from any time spent on social media.

I decided to delete the apps off my phone. I took a solid two week break with no interaction at all. I felt so much lighter and got so much done each day.

However, the desire to check in remained. I fought this weird fear of missing out. Next thing I knew, I was logged in through my web browser and I’d let myself scroll once or twice a day. It became apparent I wasn’t missing much.

Then I read The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. I can not recommend this book enough. I went into it looking through the lens of motherhood, but found my attention shifting to myself.

Social media isn’t all that old. Neither is the mental health epidemic.

Is it possible these two things are totally unrelated? I’d say no.

Johnathan Haidt does a better job than I could at making this plain to see. I implore you, again, to check this book (or audiobook) out, especially if you have kids or teens.

The biggest hill to get over in my decision to leave facebook was losing the ability to keep up with everyone and letting everyone keep up with me.

But it’s lie.

Keeping up is digesting the digital representation they chose to share with everyone online. It’s rarely a perfect truth.

Their house looks perfect. They have the cutest decor. All the kids are smiling. Not a thing is out of place.

What’s not shown is the mountain of clutter just out of frame. The way they took 20 minutes and 300 tries to get this “perfect” picture. Or the half dozen meltdowns that happened along the way.

I both consciously and unconsciously question, why can’t I live like that? How does she find the time? Why does it seem easier for everyone else?

I examine what I share and when. What image am I giving off? Who am I really sharing this for? If the purpose is to catalog memories, why does that include my two thousand online friends? What am I gaining by giving people so much access to my life? I’m opening myself up for judgement. I adding noise to the already overstimulating space. I am possibly poking at someone else's insecurities. I am showing off. Hey! Look at how good we’re doing! I’m lying.

Holding back makes the memories more sacred. We’ve done a lot since November when I decided to abstain from posting. It’s made me more present in these memory making moments. No trying to curate the perfect picture to represent the fun. No posting and monitoring the likes as they sprinkle in. No cropping to make sure evidence of my house being lived in isn’t showing.

If I call posting, liking, and commenting on facebook keeping up with friends and family, then it shows the lack of value and energy I’m putting into those relationships. No longer having social media shouldn’t mean never hearing from a person again. If it does, then I can’t say that friendship is super important to me.

Having a lot of friends online, doesn’t equate true connection.

Our souls aren’t meant to be shared with everyone, all the time. I am not a display item and neither are my children. Growing up with social media, these lines have been blurred.

I’ll have more to give if I give intentionally. I imagine being able to reach out and catch up with a friend because I haven’t seen their every move every hour of the day, every day of the week and vice versa.

I want to think of someone and shoot them a text and have loads to catch up on. I want to be the friend I hope for in others. This will force me to hone in honest, true, and good friendships that require effort and nurturing. Things that aren’t so readily available in this day and age.

I also hope to learn to appreciate the quiet and peace. Everything in this society feels so loud. There is constant chatter about everything, everywhere. I want to protect my space and unsubscribe to the incessant negativity and complaining.

Friends, please don’t read this and think I don’t care to see your wins or your babies growing up. I do! But there has to be a better and more authentic way.

I fear we’re all becoming phone zombies.

I look at the way I monitor and set guidelines for my kids screen time and wonder why I don’t care about myself the same way. I’ve witnessed older generations more far gone to their phones than my own peers. Just because it’s normal doesn’t make it right. Who is going to set the example?

I’m making this change and speaking on it to hopefully start a dialogue. I’d love to stir up some change for others as well.

Another hurdle I had to jump as I committed to this decision was my desire to grow my blog. I’ve hinted at having big plans and I still do… but my focus is shifting.

Dropping a humble brag here- (I’ve wrote 90 pages of a novel in the last six months). Can I also remind you that my twins are six months old? They say the first year is the hardest which is wild because the one I’m having the hardest time with is four ahahahaha so I won’t hold my breath.

Anyways..

I’ve envisioned growing this blog so that ✨one day✨ when I go on my publishing journey, I can use my blog popularity as leverage with a traditional publisher and/or to gain momentum if I self publish.

However, I’m a realist. Novels don’t run like rabbits to completion, especially if they’re any good. I plan on having three to four finished before I even consider publishing. (Talking like this makes my ego nervy and I’m fighting the urge to delete it all and continue to move in silence but I’m leaving it to make real asfiojsdgnsa)

AND if I think back to the why behind the blog, my goal was never to blow it up. I started writing in this format just for me. It’s seen me through some dark stages. I’ve ripped myself open and exposed ugly truths. I’ve practiced vulnerability and tried to lean in when I felt like hiding.

With me, you all have celebrated my wins and carried me through my struggles. And in being here, I’ve done a lot of healing.

I want this to stay my focus. If I grow authentically (with you all choosing to share my posts how you see fit), I will be elated. But it’s like the toxicity of watching likes and comments. I don’t want to let my worth get tied up in how many subscribers I have.

I’m going to write and process through out this radical ass year. I’m going to share what feels great and what sucks. I’m going to feel frustrated and proud and upset and happy.

And I’m going to do it all intentionally. I’m drowning out the sound. I’m being selective about what I allow in my space.

I think announced exits are so dramatic and annoying yet here I am, announcing my exit. I am deactivating my facebook and instagram for 2025.

You will still be able to find me on messenger and I’ve had the same phone number my entire life. If you think of me or want to check in on all my many children, please reach out! I’d love to hear from a friend.

Typically, my husband and I take turns getting our shit together. We both can’t be down bad at the same time. But we’ve caught the same wave. We are in alignment. I am certain this next year is going to be huge for us.

In one of our many conversations, Matt said “it’s production over consumption” and that idea has stuck in my mind ever since.

This year I’m not consuming other people’s lives, I’m producing the best of my own for me and my family.

So tata facebook and instagram. Good riddance to you and all the hours I’ve wasted.

I’m reclaiming so much this year. This may be the biggest step.

Don’t be a stranger, friends <3

P.S I also realized my blog is two years old today! That’s wild and something I am super proud of :)