Fantasy.

I would’ve said I didn’t like fantasy a couple of months ago. I pride myself in being firmly rooted in reality, often clinging to logic and reason with desperation. Even as a young child, fantastical things and I didn’t click. I guess with enough in the world that doesn’t make sense; I never felt the need to tangle in lands of make-believe. The escapism others find in the genre led to my frustration and anxiety as a person who has to understand everything to quiet my need for control. I’ve fed this belief through avoidance my entire life. Without pause, I missed out on many great stories and movies because I decided that’s who I am. I am a person who doesn’t like fantasy.

I decided it is never too late to learn something new about myself, to retry something previously written off, to think again about any piece of my identity, and always to be willing to have open eyes and ears.

Through this, I have visited unthinkable lands, learned about magic that caused shivers, and had creatures absolutely shatter me. I have to work through the lore and world-building like a swamp, but once I get past the thick of it, it’s beautiful. It’s a type of travel unreachable any other way. It is still not my favorite genre, but I have found an appreciation for what fantasy does, and I find myself searching for more. The complexity is enticing. To understand something from someone else’s wildest imagination is fascinating and inspiring. I think having deep themes and topics realized through fantasy is poetic. To brave what’s happening in this world by tackling it another is a level of perception I can admire and respect.

I’m new to fantasy, but I’m making quick gains. I’ve now visited the worlds of Hogwarts, Panem, Narnia, Oz, Prythian, and Empyrean, to name a few. I’ve loved a dragon and been invested in the love interests of faeries. I’ve developed a genuine interest which led me to my most recent read, Ink Blood Sister Scribes, a debut novel by Emma Torzs.

This story is about family, trust, relationships, and magic spell books. The writing is beautiful and striking. A book rarely stops me in my tracks to write down a quote to ponder more later, but this one had me doing just that multiple times. I’m dissecting them here in honor of finishing it and continuing this friendship with fantasy.

In the story, within the complex relationship of a mother and daughter, the mother asks a question instead of offering her typical unsolicited advice. Joanna, the daughter, is struck by the space she feels in this change when she normally feels suffocated. This idea resonated with me. I have felt my space stolen through unsolicited advice. No one likes being told what to do. It can shrink us down or fill us with sadness or anger. It leaves little room to explore, discuss, and learn more. Imagine the switch in energy if a piece of advice is posed as a question instead, leaving the receiver opportunity to think and respond. Respecting the receiver to have answers worth hearing. It creates space for opportunities that would otherwise live squashed. I vow to ask more questions and create more space in this world.

“Cold was easier to bear if you’ve never been warm.” You don’t realize what you’re living through until circumstances change. I was journaling this morning about the success I’ve been feeling for the last two weeks and how my mentality has caused a seismic shift. What felt normal and okay three weeks ago now feels unacceptable. I had to step back to realize the cold I was living in, and once I felt that warmth, the cold was harder to accept. I don’t have to accept it.

“Writing is in your blood, right along with magic. But really it was the title that made an impression on me as a girl. I always thought it suggested, on some palindromic level, that it’s the steps themselves that make a path, instead of the other way round. We are creating even as we believe we are following.” Everything is within me. I have unknown and unlocked power, just waiting for me to call upon it. Every step I take on my path in life is creating the path. Any choice I make at any given second can change the trajectory of my path. Sometimes there’s this illusion that life is out of my hands; I float and follow along. But that’s a crock of shit. I lead my destiny. I am a creator.

I’m glad for my ability to think again and my willingness to reexamine my own identity. I’m happy to ask myself questions and admit I’ve been wrong. I’ve been missing out on so much. There is so much more than just this world. Isn’t that fantastic?