Hand out.

If I can’t seem to escape an idea or phrase, I take that as the universe talking. In two books I’m reading, the characters have been advised to keep putting their hand out. Regardless of rejection, embarrassment, or disdain, keep showing and trying. In both stories, this concerns a complicated love interest. Still, as I fawn over it, I feel it in relation to myself.

In my world, two me’s exist. The person that others see and the person inside, or I commonly refer to it as my actual self vs my aspirational self. How closely those two align represents where I currently am in life. Letting my authentic self get too far away from my aspirational being doesn’t feel good.

But this advice to keep putting your hand out rattled me. I am both of these people. I control them. When my actual self slips and fails, my aspirational self feels the heavy weight of disapproval. Instead of spiraling with negative self-talk or, worse- negligence, I want my aspirational self to keep putting her hand out. Yeah, it sucks when my two beings don’t line up, but let’s meet that struggling half with compassion. Let’s show up for her when she has a hard time showing up for herself.

It used to be commonly said that marriage should be 50/50. Thankfully, with more understanding and empathy for human struggles and mental health, it’s known- sometimes unions are 80/20 or 40/60. We pick up each other’s slack, and it’s without a second thought in my marriage. Occasionally, on a rare, full moon with all the stars aligned, it is 100/100, and we are the most prominent force to be met. What if I treated myself the same way? Why is it so challenging to meet me with the same understanding and empathy I have for others?

Right now, my aspirational self is all jacked up on Mountain Dew. I am here and ready, but my actual self is about 20 paces behind. True story: a childhood friend and I grew up high-fiving over our catchphrase “slack ass for life.” I have a natural talent for extraordinary outcomes with lots of procrastination and minimal effort. That success gave me this false sense of contentedness with what is. If I can have, do, and be so much without applying myself- with just being my actual self, imagine if I got my aspirational self involved.

I’m keeping her awake. I am showing her appreciation and respect for showing up and pushing me. Despite how I might growl in her face, I’m asking her to keep putting her hand out.

When my actual self and aspirational self have those 100 / 100 kinds of days, the magic that will unfold is bigger than my wildest dreams. I look forward to seeing what I can bring to the world. I deserve myself at my best.

Keep putting your hand out.