I'd hate to be a teacher.

I didn’t plan on writing about this today. In the same way nobody wanted the headlines to say what they said.

I run from the news with my eyes shut and ears plugged when the keywords school, mass, shooter, and dead are involved.

I knew something happened yesterday. Not being able to avoid that information even with concerted effort.

Unrelatedly, I met with some teacher friends this morning for coffee. Of course, this tragedy gets brought up.

A 6-year-old shot their teacher.

Spending any time with this thought makes me physically ill. I looked my friends in the eyes, realizing it could’ve been one of them. Hell, it could’ve been me.

I can conjure a million different scenarios of how this went down, having been a teacher myself, I know what the duty can call for. There had been times I feared for my safety while teaching elementary school. One instance in specific comes to mind, where I had a student fidgeting with a pencil sharpener blade- despondent yet threatening. I was pregnant and scared. Not much came of it.

I wish everyone knew what it was like for a teacher on any given day. As we play so many roles but most having little to do with getting through a curriculum. The disrespect a teacher takes from students and parents, and the lack of support often found in the administration is enough to wear even the best down. Teachers are putting themself through such a burden all in hopes of making a difference. None of us do it for the paycheck. What paycheck? Are we paid for the pain and suffering? Do they even care if we are doing well? No. Show up and follow the plan. Let’s not spend too much time wondering why so many teachers are flocking away from the profession. I know I will never be back.

Always being pushed for data and proof of growth, never a second to pause to address the real needs of the little eyes looking up at you or your own when you look in the mirror. You must do it all and don't complain because it's a part of the job! The kids need you!

The kids do need you. They need me. They need us. The collective us. They need the world to do better. To ask what’s the root of the problem and what can we do NOW, tomorrow, and every day after that to make schools safe.

I can distinctly remember the fear and anxiety of intruder drills, wondering if it was a drill or real. I have to keep all these kids safe. If we are on the playground, what will I do? It is all so scary but after yesterday's tragedy- add another fear to the list. Too many teachers and students have died of gun violence in our country in a school building where they are supposed to be safe. Teachers. Students. Gun violence. These three things do not belong in the same sentence.

We are numb.

There have been 145 school shootings in which at least one person was killed or injured since 2018.

145 school shootings- I wonder about all the students and teachers present in the schools that heard the sounds, saw the violence, and have to keep on living. The trauma is unthinkable.

Parents are scared. I know, because I see it and I feel it too. Teachers are crumbling.

We talk about school shootings like we talk about anything else that is common in the news. Another school shooting. Another unarmed black man killed. Another ignorant politician saying something enraging. It's all so normal, it’s sick.

We live in a world where there are actual conversations surrounding whether teachers should carry guns to protect schools…. I don’t understand the logic of answering a gun problem with more guns. I can’t fathom asking a teacher for one more thing, period. Let alone something as big and heavy as having a gun in their classroom.

I won’t pretend to have all the answers but I really think it all starts with mental health. Put mental health classes in schools. Start it in kindergarten and every year after. Normalize mental health care in the general public. Let’s get in the habit of talking about our mental health, seeing therapists, and medicating when necessary. These ideas obviously loop back to accessibility which is another issue in this country. Throwing money at schools- buying new technology, textbooks, and products aren’t going to help anything.

Our public is sick, sad, and tired. It shows up in the worst ways possible like the tragic shooting of Abby Zwerne, a Newport News elementary school teacher.

I do not know her personally, but I could’ve been her. She could’ve been any of the friends I’ve made during my time in education. I am so sorry, Abby.

I reflect on all the relationships I’ve had with phenomenal teachers over the years and I send them all my love and protection. I appreciate the work you do. I know how hard it is. I am sorry that things are this way. You represent what is good in this world. This world needs you.

I’d sure hate to be a teacher.