Momentum.

Meet me and my doom-able sense of time. I never seem to have enough of it, and the reliable excuse of ‘busy’ keeps this lie afloat.

I have wasted so much time worried, annoyed, and frustrated over what I continually put off until later. Spoiler- later never comes. And this trend of putting things off for the sake of ‘relaxation’ now is all a farce. I’m not relaxed when my mind is cataloging the things I should be doing instead or talking shit like my body and mind aren’t the same person. When I chose laziness, I chose a pattern of misery.

An idea that has altered me is not putting things off that take less than 5 minutes to complete. Let’s call it the 5-minute pledge. If I see or think about it, and it is a minor task, I will handle it right then. Often, the idea of a task is more daunting than facing it. I’ve been surprised by how many things fit in this under-5-minute category. Things staring at me judgmentally for months or years are getting crossed off the list.

These small, mundane things and my dreams share this thought: What am I waiting for? Nothing is gained from putting things off. Procrastination is stress avoidance that doesn’t work. Having things pile up is not zen. The difference between drifting in bliss and drowning in sorrows is vast, yet the solution is simple. Do it, whatever it is, and do it now.

I believe in the force of momentum. The first step of anything is the hardest part. The power of the 5-minute pledge is starting the engine. It’s easier to keep going once I’ve already begun. Picking the dirty clothes off the floor turns into sorting toys, leads to dusting bookshelves, and then the next thing I know, I’ve swept and vacuumed too. I am then rewarded with the satisfaction of conquering my inner lazy voice and basking in the warmth and comfort of a clean space.

My anxiety shows in my extreme avoidance of making any type of adult necessary phone calls. I will be plagued with the rather nots and let all sorts of things fall through the crack for reasons I can’t even put into words. I know it’s senseless. It’s gotten me into trouble more than a couple times. My best friend and I agreed that she’d reschedule my appointments if I asked the bartender for a straw for her. Anxiety doesn’t discriminate in how it manifests, and not many escape her menacing grip. I am also losing my peace and courage by falling victim to my nerves. I could either buck up and handle it in less than 5 minutes or let it haunt me and face the consequences of my neglect. I chose the first option.

My dream of writing fiction has also snowballed in line with this idea of momentum. I had the thought and then shared it. Since then, I’ve joined an online writing community and plan on participating in NaNoWriMo (look it up! I’d love more buddies for the journey). I am attending my first in-person writing group this Saturday. I am so nervous and uncomfortable thinking about it. But that just tells me how right this move is. First-time jitters are the crackling of an opportunity that could explode my life to a new height. With this writing group, I hope to learn new tools, flex some sleeping muscles, and meet brilliant new friends. There, the snowball of my writing dream will continue its fast journey, growing in size, until it demands to be recognized and wrecks into the minds of those who need to hear it.

Momentum is a warrior who fights in my honor. She leads the charge and rallies the troops. As long as I am willing to summon her, she will lay in her life down for the cause. Momentum is mine, and together, we will win wars.