Mornings.

I think I will start doing something crazy, something I never in my wildest dreams imagined doing. What is it?

….Wake up before my kids….

In my beautiful, princessly life, my husband has always taken the first shift of the morning. He is up before all of us, he takes whatever kid gets up early, and I sleep in with whoever is still snoozing. Then, I begrudgingly make my way to the living room, plop down on the couch, and try my best not to be disturbed until after I down my first cup of coffee. As you can imagine, with two small kids, the desire to not be disturbed goes ignored. Most mornings feel under attack, with the word “mommy” acting as the heavy artillery. I see myself dodging requests like a kicked dog and looking towards my husband to keep up the knight in shining armor act until I am a bit caffeinated and more capable of facing the day. This leaves me feeling like I’m sprinting to catch up in an energy race with my kids that I will never win.

In doing this, starting each day feels hard, like I am an underdog before my feet even hit the ground. There have been random mornings where I wake up and decide to move right away, and I always end up remarking on how great I feel and how much I can get done. Why is it a one-off?

I’ll tell you why. As a human, we are wired to do what’s easy. Laying in bed and sleeping as much as possible because I can, is the easiest thing ever. Getting up when I don’t have to seems senseless. The brain science behind our choices shows that we are feelings first beings. I know the right thing; I know what would suit me best, but I don’t feel like it- so often, I don’t do it. Untangling myself from my feelings and doing what’s right will solve all my problems. I know what’s right. I know all the answers. I just don’t feel like it.

Science also says the first 2 to 3 hours of your day are the most important. I’ve already painted the picture of my morning, and I failed to mention that I am lying in bed and scrolling for 10-20 minutes before getting vertical. So put two and two together, I am not winning any award for the first part of my day. I’ve written about my social media addiction once before, and I made great strides toward combating it; alas- like everything else…. it fell by the wayside. However, it is never too late to start again.

I deleted all the social media apps off of my phone this morning. I am not removing myself from social media but committed to distancing myself. I am giving myself more hoops to jump through to check my notifications, make a post, or scroll. I’ll either have to redownload the app and then delete it again or get on my computer.

This goes along with waking up earlier because it’s a whole revamp to my mornings to help me be the person I want to be, feel the way I want to feel, and do what I want to do.

My phone is spending nights plugged in and on my dresser from now on. There will be no more night scrolling in bed. My alarm will be set to 6 am (hopefully that beats both kids awake, but I know it won’t every day, lol). I will get right up, turn off my alarm, then go straight to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water. Then, I will go to the kitchen for my first cup of coffee and sit at the table with my journal. Notice I still haven’t checked my phone. When my kids wake, I would have already led with a relaxing jumpstart to my day. I will be a better mom for it. This intentional slow pace morning is an act of control over my life. I can choose to do things that make me feel my best.

I started to type out my whole morning plan, which quickly developed into an all-day outline, but the magic wasn’t in the details. It is in recognizing my own personal power in the choices I am capable of making.

I listed my personal goals in my journal this morning- some are big, but most are super simple. I promise myself I’m not doing it, whatever it may be if it doesn’t get me closer to who I want to be.

I also spent some time thinking about the elusive ~you~ today, and that fear of judgment crept in. I am exposing myself here. Maybe I was that lie of a perfect life on social media to you. Or perhaps you are leading the perfect life, and my vulnerability shows off my loser. I can’t focus too much on either scenario, or it leads to a spiral. But know each time one of you reaches out and tells me my writing resonated with you, it does a little to help me shut down my inner judge and critic. Regardless if my posts get 0 reads, no responses, or just utterly bombs- 54321, I am showing up, writing, and publishing. I'm doing this for me and if it helps even one of you, that's cool too.