Ode to love.

Today is Matt, and I's fourth wedding anniversary.

I think back to August 3rd, 2019, and the magnificent and beautiful day with the warmest feelings. However, what strikes me the most is how much we didn't know. The purity of the naivety stuns me because I also know, on that day, you couldn't tell us anything. We knew enough to know we were in love and wanted to spend our lives together. Nothing else matters. Despite all we've learned and grown in these last four years, that still rings true.

We have seen each other through financial worries, parenthood, a failing house, depression, infinite fears, businesses, and unemployment, to name a few biggies. But one thing never faltered: our belief in one another and our commitment to our marriage.

So this is to you, my love- thank you for everything.

When I think about Matt, a few words slam into me with no brakes.

Security:
The stability this man provides is next to nothing. I was once a distrustful, ultra-independent, control freak of a person. If something wasn't in my control, I'd spin out. Maybe it's the Scorpio in me or trauma of a past life, but before Matt- I didn't care, I didn't believe you, and you couldn't hurt me because I was halfway out. He has been a game (life) changer. Somehow, someway (through repetitive action), he showed me I could be different. He was different. I could love differently, more completely. I trust him so fully in every aspect that my dreams changed. I never thought I'd give up teaching. Being a teacher was always a dream of mine and so important to me. Having my own income was a sense of autonomy I needed because how scary is considering the alternative? How could I rely on someone so entirely that I give that all up? The answer is Matt. He didn't force me to stay home with our kids but didn't push me back to work, either. When my dream of staying home with Thea actualized, he was right there, calming every fear and making it happen. He is my security.

Supportive:
This leads right into the backbone of a man I have. The support is so crazy it is almost a fault. If I'm like, "OMG, life is so hard; I need to do nothing today and let's order takeout." He is my hype man- "Yeah, f them, kids. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Order the whole menu." But also, when I am maniacally inspired and ready to change the world, he's a hell yes then too. It's easy to match what's given, especially when I genuinely believe in this guy with my whole being. It doesn't matter what it is; I'd put my money on Matt. He has done such incredible things already, and I know it's minuscule compared to what he will do next. Sometimes I will catch my fear popping up because the ideas and risks can be wild, but we didn't get here playing it safe. I remind him of the same when his inner judge and critic lie to him. There is no one more capable of success than us.

Humor:
I'm not sure our sense of humor is "good," but it has gotten us through some heavy, dark situations- i.e., the sewage backing up for a 3rd time in a year. Curse this damn house. And what we find funniest should never be repeated to anyone else, ever. Despite being around each other constantly, we don't run out of things to laugh about. I love that about us. But I am definitely objectively funnier, sorry.

Studied:
Don't ask this man about his IQ; he needs no extra reason to bring it up or brag. But I do love his brain. I love how he is continually working to do and know more. 100% the definition of a knowledge seeker. This pushes me to expand my horizons as well. I love how much we laugh together, but I love how often we go deep and share our discoveries even more. You are a bookworm and problem solver. If you know Matt, there's a chance he's lied to you. He is the master of saying he knows how to do something, but what he really means is he will figure it out before taking it on. He slams doors open for himself, making me want to jump off cliffs and do the same.

Dad:
The world would be infinitely better if every kid had a father like you. You are present. You say yes, submerge yourself in play, and talk in the toddler circles with such patience. As Thea always says, you are big and strong and always help us. All the things I know you to be, your kids know you that way too. I am told I'm lucky for the partner that you are all the time. I agree, but it's sad that this isn't a common reality in marriages and families. You are the standard. Knowing the example my kids will see set their whole lives is a gift. They will be great partners and have great partners in whatever relationship they end up in because they know what that looks like. They will have the best expectations and see anything less as an insult. I don't worry about their future because I know they have you. I have a lot to be proud of, but you being the father of my children is number 1.

Happy anniversary, Matthew. Thank you for choosing me every day in every way. I love you.